Let me share a tall tale, and I’ll hasten to mention,
A man and his farm and a wacky invention.
It’s a farm with no chickens or cows or pink pigs.
Instead you’ll find lots of odd thig-a-ma-jigs.
Like broken down motors and rusty old gears,
And wings from an airplane that’s been there for years.
And springs and some things and spools of barbed wires
Strung out kind of scraggly by a bunch of old tires.
It’s all rather messy and unkempt and uncouth.
Like ten tons of trash to tell you the truth!
Be that as it may, it’s the home of a man,
Who boasts an ambitious, magnificent plan.
Dr. Merlin McMasters, the papers proclaim,
Has designed a machine to make wind, snow and rain!
“This machine is the greatest, it may save the Earth,”
That’s what Doc claims his invention is worth!
But some folks in town were quick to recall
His last three inventions hadn’t worked well at all.
Like the lights he constructed for the new city park,
That shine in the day but won’t glow when it’s dark.
And the big ‘lectric clock on town hall’s tall tower
That stops for five minutes at least twice an house.
If that’s not enough, well here’s one that is worse,
The town’s Winter snowplow only runs in reverse!
At a meeting next morning, down on town square,
Dr. McMasters and the machine were both there.
The cameras were popping as photographers flashed,
While around and around the TV crews dashed.
The Mayor spoke briefly, then introduced Doc,
Who stepped to the front to deliver his talk.
But instead of just talking he answered their queries
About his machine and its relevant theories.
“Doc are you sure your invention will work?”
Asked a reporter with a half smiley smirk!
Other reporters, and some TV crews too,
Asked what it is his invention would do.
“Will it make the rain fall when it’s too hot and dry?
Will snow fly in Summer from a crystal blue sky?”
“And what about thunder and lightning and such?
Can they be controlled?….Is that asking too much?”
Doc was amused and enjoyed this meeting
And left the town square with this friendly greeting,
“I haven’t yet finished, there’s more work to do,
But by tomorrow morning I should be nearly through.”
“And by noon I’ll be ready, it’ll be fully tweaked.
Please join me then at my farm for a peek.”
Early next morning, ‘fore the crowing of chickens,
Doc came to work and he worked like the dickens.
There were tanks to fill up and a pipe to be fixed,
And other small doodles between and betwixt.
He tweaked all the throttles and buttons and switches
And gave ‘em a whirl to test for small glitches.
Then checked his machine for jiggles and shakes
And made one final search for unseen mistakes.
He completed his tasks not a moment too soon.
Time had been flying— it was already noon!
One guest soon arrived, then two or three others,
Then preachers and teachers and kids with their mothers.
There were salesmen, some doctors, and even a baker,
Who drove down to see Doc’s new weather maker.
Three guys with spiked hair who’d come there from school
Rather hiply declared, “Hey dudes this is coooooool!”
And businessmen, bankers, and a lawyer or two,
Came down to be part of this hullabaloo.
In very short order Doc’s farm was or’flowing
How many had come?— there was no way of knowing.
But one thing’s for certain, the place was a mess!
Most of the town had come down there I guess.
But wouldn’t you want to be there and be seen
The day they unveiled Doc’s weather machine?
It was such a cold day with gusty north breezes.
You could hear a few coughs and one or two sneezes.
Folks clustered together for gossip and talking.
A few were believers but most were still balking,
“It’s not going to work! There’s really no way!
Doc won’t be making us weather today!”
Mayor Mick Vicker took charge of this scene
As they gathered all ‘round the weather machine.
“Ladies and gents, may I have your attention,
We’re all standing here by Doc’s new invention.
This day is historic, and we’re all mighty proud,
Of Dr. McMasters,” he said to the crowd.
“This is truly a moment that we all will remember.
Let us never forget this great day in December.”
Doc took his position down beside his invention,
Then proudly proclaimed his worthy intentions.
“I’m tired of cold weather and I ‘spect you are too,
So I’ll tell you precisely what it is I will do.
I will make it much warmer, if you think that’s okay,”
And Doc got his answer from their, “Hip-Hip-Hooooray!”
Doc wasted no time as he turned on the power,
Which sent a few sparks straight up from a tower.
Then flames and some smoke and a double big thump
Caused most of the folks in the crowd to jump-jump!
Dr. McMasters was alarmed, you could tell!
His contraption, it seemed, was working too well!
The pipes from the boiler were all blowing steam.
The gauges read, “DANGER” and whistled and screamed!
Buzzers blared loudly and alarm lights were flashing!
So away from this place the people went dashing!
But as bad as it was so close to this scene,
This really was nothing— and you’ll see what I mean.
Hiccups of pressure from the messed-up machine
Burst back through the pipes to Main Street & Green.
The town’s water tower was now missing its top
‘Cause the water’d backed-up and just couldn’t stop.
Around the town square they’d all get a face-full
Since the city’s park fountain shot up like Old Faithful.
From storm drains and sewers the torrents came rushing.
While faucets and toilets in homes were now gushing!
From bathtubs and sinks and machines that do washing,
Thousands of gallons of water went sloshing.
In all parts of town pipes began bursting.
But as bad as that was it wasn’t the worst thing!
As you’ll recall… and will no doubt remember,
Flooding’s not good on a cold day in December.
When you mix freezing temps with a fresh water source
The results will be icy and slippery, of course.
And when millions of gallons all freeze up together
It’s bound to add up to some awfully bad weather!
And freeze-up it did— and it froze really quick.
In a matter of minutes the whole town was too slick.
There was ice on the roofs. There was ice on the roads.
There was even some ice in townsfolk’s commodes.
The faithful old fountain in the town’s city park
Was frozen in place with the ice in an arc.
Lester P. Parks, the town’s only plumber,
Quickly proclaimed, “I’ll be glad to see summer!
Every big pipe in this small little town
Is frozen too tight to let water go down!”
And Elmer O’Grady, the town’s auto mechanic,
From the top of his lungs did scream in a panic,
‘I can’t get my tools, this ice is too thick!”
But he did find a torch and that did the trick.
It stayed very cold ’til a day or two passed,
But when it got warmer, it got warmer fast.
The ice melted quickly— so imagine the mess.
Do I need to explain?— I think you can guess.
Though this tall little tale had its moments of woe,
There’s happy news too that I think you should know
These folks love their town, and they never gave up.
And they cleaned-up the oosh, the schlosh and the schlup.
They repaired all the damage in each home and store.
In a matter of weeks it was just like before.
Mayor Mick Vicker called a special town meeting
And began that grand day with his own friendly greeting.
“Ladies and gents, and even you kids,
I’m awfully darn proud of the work that you did.
The ice storm and flooding were really quite bad,
In fact, say the records, the worst that we’ve had!
It sure wasn’t easy, and we’re not finished yet,
But we are near the end and we’ll make it I’ll bet.
So thank you my friends for our hard-working ways,
And may we be blessed with more warm sunny days!”
Much laughing was heard as this town meeting ended,
And surprisingly, Doc, the mayor defended.
Newspaper reporters and those crews from TV
Had gathered ‘round Doc and Mayor Mick “V”.
“Mayor,” they screamed “Can you all forgive Doc?”
And the mayor’s quick answer did come as a shock!
“Doc has insurance, the bills will be paid.
So I think we’ll excuse the mess that he made.
He is still our friend, and we’re very forgiving,
And we’re all mighty proud in our town he is living.
And one thing I’ll add, while we’re all here together.
You must all admit— Doc DID make some weather!”